Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
