hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
