You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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