Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
