Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
