I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They are going to name an STD after you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
