This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
