Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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