First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
