life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
