I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So many bounce houses so little time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
