if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
