It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need to calm my uterus...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
