I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
