this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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