i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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