When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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