so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
