im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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