Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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