ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
