If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
