Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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