Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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