Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
