Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
