i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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