i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
