hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
