I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
