I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
