Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
