I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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