Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
