remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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