dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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