I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
