Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
