I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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