watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
