We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
