my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
