I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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