you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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