I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
