you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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