My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize