Buhtt sex?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
