Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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