I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
