I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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