You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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