Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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