she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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