My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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