My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The best revenge is premature balding
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
