Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize