I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
