Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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