who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We don't watch enough power rangers
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
