Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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