I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
