I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
