My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The air was thick with penises
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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