I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
