fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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