I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
