So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
