You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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