I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
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