You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
