I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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