she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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