Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
