I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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