apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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