The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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