worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's like heaven, but drunker
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
