I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
