i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
