thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
