arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
