At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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