i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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