At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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