paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
