so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
