Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
