do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
