4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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