hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
