Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
