Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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