Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
