They should really pass out barf bags in church
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
zippers are such a cool invention
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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