Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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