Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
